By Annette (Annette) on Tuesday, January 23, 2007 - 06:21 pm:

Hi just a quick question about confort breastfeeding - I have read from books that if you comfort your little bundle of joy with the breast when they are not hungry it will set them up in later years for comfort eating.

I just wanted to know other mummies opinions on this subject as I really respect and honour your thoughts

By Annette on Tuesday, January 23, 2007 - 08:55 pm:

I'm not sure how you'd tell if a baby was 'comfort breastfeeding' or 'feeding breastfeeding'? I don't really see the difference between emotional and physical needs- the child needs and we give.

to me, logically, it would be the other way around- if comfort is witheld when we are young, we don't learn to nuture ourselves and 'self soothe' (in a healthy way that is) and so we seek comfort in other ways like eating or shopping or gambling or whatever. Same with learning to be independant- how can we confidantly be independant if we have never been allowed our dependance??

My experience has been this- my 2.5 year old has a 'comfort' feed each night before bed, last week he had a sleepover at my mums and she offered him a 'comfort' drink of warms cows milk before bed which he wholeheartedly refused. I'm sure he would have happily had a 'comfort' cuddle instead though!!

What are your thoughts about it Annette?

By Michelle on Tuesday, January 23, 2007 - 08:56 pm:

LOL
That was by me, not Annette tee hee hee

By Annette (Annette) on Tuesday, January 23, 2007 - 10:01 pm:

I think that if he needs the comfort of my breast I am more than happy to offer it to him to enjoy and that educating him when he is older to deal with his emotions and not to use anything else as a crutch.

By Sue Borg on Wednesday, January 24, 2007 - 02:02 pm:

If we can't comfort our children the way they need to be comforted who can they rely upon to feel safe?? My dd (now 21mths) use to take ages to feed - sometimes over an hour. I got people saying all sorts of things to me like oh she is using it as a dummy, or you better get her out of that habit. I fed until just recently where she self weaned which I think is the easiest way for mum & bub. Less stress all round. I do miss the quiet time we use to have though. I didn't want to be bfeeding an older child though, but that is my choice. And its all about choice, parenting that is. YOUR choice!! At least your child knows he can come to his mum for support. I look at myself who was bottle fed & my mum told me (whilst I was trying to bfeed dd) that when I was a baby if I wasn't finished the bottle in 10min that was all I got for another 4 hrs!! They also use to shut the door & let me cry myself to sleep. Hence the poor relationship with my parents. Could never talk about personal stuff to them & was very independant from an early age because I had to be. As an adult I also see parts of my personality that have resulted from the lack of security & comfort offered by my parents.
You do what you think is best for your child & if you are happy doing it then everyone is happy. Keep up the good job. All the best.

Sue

By julie on Thursday, January 25, 2007 - 09:35 am:

hi sue. i know what you mean i hate door shutting on children i know alot of people do this but i can't. and i would feel terible for letting my kids cry all night,not that it's bad but just something i can not do. you sound like a lovely mum and yes you know your child better than anyone! i wish i could haved breasfed but you can't turn back time. cheers julie

By Michelle on Thursday, January 25, 2007 - 04:13 pm:

Hi Sue,
That must have been awful for you as a baby- well done for breaking the cycle and standing up to nay sayers!!
take care
Michelle

By Sue on Friday, January 26, 2007 - 02:29 pm:

Thanks Julie & Michelle. I think it helps when you are an older 1st time parent (I was nearly 37 when I had Chloe). You have a bit more patience & I knew what sort of mum I wanted to be. Caring & empathetic but firm with boundaries. Hopefully I am doing okay, spose only time will tell & it all depends on the child too. Julie, now that time has passed & the little bub days are over I think to myself that everyone has to do whats best for them & their family at the time so don't dwell on not bfeeding I'm sure your kid(s) are fine!! Love is the most important thing after all.
Sue

By Amanda R on Tuesday, January 30, 2007 - 10:31 pm:

see the thing is that if you don't comfort feed them then you need to give them a dummy, or they'll find their fingers or thumb to suck I think it is more about the sucking and the cuddle than it is the actual food so to speak. My daughter comfort fed till she was 2yrs 9mo's, my son took the dummy and didn't comfort feed. He also weaned himself at 8months much to my dismay. He has now just turned 4yo and we have agreed that it is time to get rid of the dummy altogether (he has it only for sleep). But now he (who has always put himself to sleep), needs me to lie with him till he goes to sleep. I have no problem with this, in fact I love this special quiet time that we are having. THe other night he tried to go to sleep by himself but wanted me. When he jumped in my bed he slipped his arms round my waist and closed his eyes and went to sleep with the biggest and sweetest smile on his face. So imho its more about meeting their emotional needs which in effect makes them stronger and more independant in the long run. You are also showing them that their feelings and emotions are important and not to be dismissed. That's just downright special really and should be every person's birthright.

By Sue on Wednesday, January 31, 2007 - 09:47 am:

You hit the nail on the head Amanda. You have said some things there that I will be quoting if I remember them when people have a not so direct go at my parenting skills.

Sue