By Annette (Annette) on Tuesday, January 23, 2007 - 06:35 pm:

I wanted to ask the other mums if they felt a change of relationship with their hubbies since a new bub has arrived.

For me it has. I have found it to be sweeter and deeper but on the other hand harder. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and I think he is wonderful but I do feel a little bit taken for granted.

Would it hurt to give me a thank you or a compliment? I used to be a Property Manager who was good at what I did and used to get acknowledge for what I did but not anymore and the only person I need this from is him.

I don't feel like I can talk about this with close friends or family because I feel like they think that our marriage is in trouble which it isn't. Our marriage is great but I have spoken to him a couple of times but I don't think he is getting it through his male brain.

Has anyone else had this or different experiances?

By Michelle on Tuesday, January 23, 2007 - 09:04 pm:

ooooh yeah!

Things definately changed with us, we went through some rough stuff together, but again, it was never like our marriage was on the rocks or anything, but man, it was tough.

Let me tell you though, when you get through it together and you meet up on the other side where you feel connected and like you understand one another, it is SO much sweeter. I am SO in love with my husband right now, he is just the most wonderful father and husband, but I'm sure if you read through some old posts you'll find some of my frustrated vents from when our son was young. I wouldn't go back for anything though, because we are so much closer and I know him better now having gone through those experiences.

It is very hard when you both feel over-worked and sleep deprived to spend time on your relationship, or even to think much about someone other than the baby, but I found as my son grew older, as we got more sleep, our love came back easily and now we get to share it with Taliver as well.

Also, sometimes I have to be quite upfront about what I need emotionally. So if I've had a busy day (but the house looks like I've done nothing all day) I tell him "I folded and put away all the clean clothes, but then I did two loads of washing and hung it out and brought it in, so the pile looks exactly the same' LOL and then he has learnt to say thank you.

I know what you mean about not really wanting to talk to friends/family about it, because you know that you will get back on track and you know that he's a great guy and you don't want them to think less of him for it either.

By Amanda R on Tuesday, January 23, 2007 - 11:07 pm:

I simply couldn't have a better husband but still things he does annoy and grate on me. Personally, at first I got so child absorbed and so sleep depraved that I think I blew things out of proportion. It is vitally important to tell him exactly how you feel though in a non blaming way. It sounds 'Dr Phil'ish but you need to say how his actions or non actions make you feel. Even if it seems like you are being petty you still need to say it. I used to get shocked when he would open up saying that some of my actions made him feel bad, unloved! No matter how silly the leading circumstance, the emotions are very real and need to be in the open. We often used to end up laughing at ourselves and that is always a good thing.
I honestly don't think that men think the same way as we do. I want him to buy me flowers 'just because he thought of me'. He thinks that his deep love for me is conveyed when we make love lol.
When baby comes, the relationship shifts to a different level...all of a sudden the child becomes the main focus but it is really important that you make time for each other too so that you can discuss the difficulties and the new emotions. I used to feel that I was at home so I should have a well kept house to 'earn my keep' - it came from years of working and it is difficult to stay home and not feel as if you aren't contributing. It took me awhile to realise that whilst I wasn't contributing financially I was actually doing the most important job of all - raising our children. And it isn't easy, its bone tiring, do your head in kinda work, but its more rewarding that any pay cheque!
mmmmmm.......I've really gone on here but yes, I think that it takes awhile to find your feet in your new roles and to work out the new dynamics once kids come along. And it continually changes. My kids are now 7 and 4 and the relationships are still changing. Physically I am now my husband's again - I am no longer breastfeeding and the umbilical cords are stretching (eeeeeekkkk.....they are stretching it not me)! But now I have 2 little people, my daughter teaches me stuff now! Paul and I are now looking at the occasional night out, perhaps even a night at a hotel....and we wont be stressed out wondering hhow the kids are going, and the kids will be hoping we stay late so that they can stay longer with Nana and Pop. My business is slowly growing and I am rediscovering how good I am at other things again. I'm riding my bike with my daughter and doing taekwondo and all these things make my relationship easier with Paul as I have some of my own special Amanda things back again.
I don't know if this helps you at all but I think it has helped me to put this all down lol.

By julie on Wednesday, January 24, 2007 - 03:51 pm:

hi annette, my realationship simply is up and down i went through the hardest time of my life. when we had our son, we fought over nearly everthing every day, we decided to work together by what works and what dose not, the hardest time we had was 2005 when he played up on me with his sisters, sister inlaw by god it was hard for me as i was 4 months preagnet with our baby girl, but i forgave him and we are now closer than ever i just stay out of his way if he wants time alone, or we spend time massaging each other now by trying to make it work and making your self heard i think it can make a difference but this is what works for us not saying it will help others . cheers julie.

By Annette (Annette) on Thursday, January 25, 2007 - 03:38 pm:

Hi Girls,

thanks for your advice. It was good just to vent to someone. Would you believe I actually got a thank you on Tuesday night and he even acknowledge the baby weight is disappearing today! The great thing about our relationship is that we are very like minded and I do think he is the world's best husband and everyone else is missing out but you know our men sometimes they need training. Ha Ha
Annette

By Jo on Thursday, January 25, 2007 - 08:15 pm:

Just want to say that I'm hearing you!!!!Won't say much more as I'm typing one handed!!!DD in my arms. Hang in there it takes alot of hard work remembering to be partners, not just parents...Keep saying thanks to him to show your appreciation, it's a good feeling and who knows he might just return the favour.....

By Amanda R on Friday, January 26, 2007 - 05:07 pm:

and training it is! The other night he sat watching tv whilst I finished off a photo order for a customer. When I finished he started acting all amorous. I told him that I couldn't go to bed before the kitchen was clean as I hate a smelly kitchen in the morning. Well he very quickly filled that sink with soapy water and started cleaning the kitchen. I got what I wanted, some help - he got what he wanted and maybe next time he'll think to do the kitchen all by himself (though sadly it will only be when he's in the mood if you know what I mean lol)! God forbid he ever reads this ;-)

By Annette (Annette) on Saturday, January 27, 2007 - 03:50 pm:

Guess what my husband said to me last night and it completly filled my love tank. At the 3am feed he woke up and told me that I had taken to the role of motherhood beautifully.

Now for someone like me who just thrives on compliments it was fantastic especially because he knows that I was in a panic about becoming a mum. Not because I didn't want to but because I had no idea what to do - I hadn't even changed a nappie before.
And lately he has become more affectionate again although if this hot weather no one wants to touch anyone. I even B/feed laying down in bed during the middle of the day just so I don't have bub up against my chest because it is just tooooo hot.
Thanks for your help, great advice and non-judgemental ear.
Annette

By Michelle on Sunday, January 28, 2007 - 01:23 pm:

Awwww..... that is beautiful Annette!

By rental on Tuesday, March 13, 2007 - 07:07 pm:

lm1ahtj-yqgy2ej-tw6q2afb-1 <a href="http://www.auto-car-rental.com/budget-rental.html#2">budget rental</a>
http://www.debts-control.com/credit-card-debt.html#1
[url=http://www.auto-car-rental.com#3]rental[/url]
[url]http://www.ringtones-4phone.com/verizon-wireless-ringtones.html#4[/url]

By John Doe on Tuesday, June 10, 2008 - 01:58 am:

23e4b9bbb9fbf05db6e01d409471d4a3